Dogtology: Live. Bark. Believe – Jeff Lazarus

(Reviewed by JD Jung)


And so God said, “At last, I have created a being that reflects all that is good in me.  Thus, I shall give it a name that is the mirror image of my own.”

That creature, of course is Dog. Man, in turn was created for Dog’s use and well-being. That belief, is known as Dogtology.

God instructed Dog how to respond to Man.
“Man will have a very large and very fragile ego… This ego of Man’s is a necessary evil…It will keep Man busy and productive. Without the ego, Man would stop working,…and building stuff, which would render him pretty useless to Dog.”

This was the clincher: “You will have to let him believe he is the superior being.”

The book Dogtology is a hilarious read on dog-owners and their attachment to their dogs. The “religion”  has corresponding rituals that serve the emotional needs of Man. Then again, Man doesn’t understand Dog’s rituals either, like the important  social media portal- the fire hydrant.

Also, the term “license” is a big part of the religion. Not only do we get licenses for our dogs, but our dogs give us licenses, such as a license to flirt, a license to sidestep taboos and let’s not forget the license to ditch “douche” protocol”.

At the end of the book, there is a glossary or “Furminology” that defines key concepts of Dogtology in case you have forgotten. There is also a Q & A section that serves as “Sunday School” which adds to the fun.

Most people progress through “The Twelve Stages of Acceptance” which may remind you of a twelve step program, but instead teaches you how to live with your obsession.

I was not a “closet Dogtologist” nor did I experience “spontaneous enlightenment” as described in the book. Instead, as a former dog-owner hater and one who was ambivalent towards dogs, I have become a born-again Dogtologist. We converts can be more fervent than what the author describes, though I don’t express the same traits as the radical Dogtologists.

Though I give Dogtology four bookmarks, I admit that this book will be of little interest to non dog lovers .  However, even if you’re not a Dogtologist, this would make a great gift for anyone you know who is. And if you are one, you’re in for a fun and entertaining  read.

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