(reviewed by JD Jung)
“I wanted to stop hiding. I wanted to tell them that I was queer. Queer sexually, queer religiously, queer by caste, and queer countried.”
Rajiv Mohabir never felt that he belonged. As a resident of Central Florida and from a family of Guyanese-Indian immigrants, he felt like an outsider. He was close to his paternal grandmother and wanted to learn more about his Hindu culture and background. That didn’t set well with his Christian family. Neither did his sexuality.
He briefly studied in India to learn more about his background. However, he found that India was not Guyana, and he would have to pretend that he was a “high-casted straight man.”
Antiman is a poignant memoir of identity, race, culture, sexuality, family and political activism. We follow Rajiv as he tries to find a connection to somewhere and someone. This often finds him in destructive relationships as he feels he is unlovable and unworthy. He even moves to new cities where no one will know him so he will be able to reinvent himself.
Mohabir uses various writing styles: from his luscious prose to poetry (in English and a Hindi-Creole dialect), to diary-like entries. He also incorporates metaphoric folk traditions to tell his story. This enhances the reader’s experience as we accompany him in his search for self-discovery and personal meaning.
Mohabir received the New Immigrant Writing Award from Restless Books for this moving memoir. It is well deserved.
