(Reviewed by JD Jung)
“…the place where I have always felt most comfortably gay is in Jamaica. In Jamaica, I know the language and the mannerisms of queerness. In Jamaica, I know how to dance. In Jamaica, I do not have to constantly translate my sexuality into mannerisms and speech and dances that sometimes feel to me profoundly British. That sometimes feel profoundly white. In Britain I often have to dance my queerness to the hard thump of techno beat. It is difficult to dance my queerness to soca or to dancehall or to reggae. In Britain, my black body often hides the truth of my queerness.”
Kei Miller expresses contradictions that many may not understand, as well as his thoughts on race, class, gender, immigration, and more in Things I Have Withheld. He observes others’ perceptions but relates why he has chosen not to speak up in certain circumstances, as many would not understand his perspective. He often does this by conveying how bodies betray people.
These fourteen interrelated essays are mostly autobiographical, though he admits to poetic license as many stories are imparted through the generations and may be somewhat fabricated. He takes us to his experiences in many countries: Jamaica, Trinidad, Scotland, Ghana, Ethiopia, and Nigeria. And why are immigrants in England, Ghana and Nigeria now going back home to Jamaica?
He shares stories of the Caribbean in a unique way. He explains Caribbean legends that foster distrust in those from other races and cultures. He explains how gender ambiguity is accepted during Jamaican Carnival but not in general society.
From family secrets exposed (which many of us can relate to), to teenage male prostitutes, to Carnival in Trinidad and Jamaica, to misunderstandings in Glasgow and more, Miller captivates the reader with his lyrical prose. He speaks in different voices, depending on the essay, from Jamaica patois to standard English.
I must admit, I couldn’t relate to many of the feelings that he spoke about. That is not a bad thing; it’s just that our life experiences are different. I do appreciate how he expresses his thoughts and exhibits such skill as a motivating storyteller.
Things I Have Withheld will compel readers to reflect on their own attitudes while considering those whom they feel they may not have as much in common with. It is a welcome learning experience.
